How to Make the Most Out of a Therapy Session
/How to Make the Most Out of a Therapy Session
Therapy is a significant investment that requires your time, attention and money. You are purchasing a trained professional’s undivided attention and care, and there are some common missteps you can avoid to make the most out of a therapy session. What follows are tools and strategies for maximizing your experience.
Misstep: Not preparing for the session
Sometimes clients forget to think about their sessions before they sit down on the couch. The problem with this misstep is that it ends up requiring a substantial amount of session time to reorient to the work and consider what the focus of the hour should be.
Instead, you could try these things to make sure you are prepared for a session:
Prior to arriving, ask yourself “if I could only talk to my therapist about one issue going on in my life right now, what would it be?”
Spend time reflecting on the previous session. What are you currently focusing on?
What events from the last week are relevant to this on-going work?
Keep a list of things you want to work on. Between sessions, add to this list as things occur to you. Review and prioritize the list before your session.
Misstep: Spending too much time on details, thus avoiding the real issues
This misstep often happens when clients sit down and begin to provide a complete rundown of their week, without considering struggles, what is most important or the real issue or focus of their work. This “play by play” is often interesting and it can sometimes be useful, but it should be avoided if it is obscuring the real work of therapy.
Instead, you could try these things to ensure you are bringing the real issues to session:
Beforehand, ask yourself: “What issue(s) am I avoiding bringing up with my therapist?”
Typically the thing we are least likely to want to talk about is the most important thing we could be talking about in therapy. Start with the thing you don’t want to bring up.
Review the list of things you want to talk about in therapy. Rank order this list from most important to least important. Start with the most important thing on the list. Do not let items further down the list take up time needed for your top priority.
Misstep: Focusing too much on other peoples’ work
It’s normal to devote some time in therapy to venting; it can provide a much needed emotional release and landing zone for resentment. That said, venting should be a contained part of your session. Because it’s impossible for your therapist to change other peoples’ behavior or have a direct impact on the larger systems in which you operate, you should not spend too much time focusing on issues outside of your control in the session.
Instead, you can ask yourself these important questions to reorient to your own work:
In what ways am I contributing to my own suffering and this problematic dynamic?
What options are available for changing my current situation? What’s in my control?
What do I need help with and/or what kind of support do I need from my therapist in navigating this challenge?
Misstep: The laundry list approach
Some people arrive at therapy with the misconception that in order to get the most out of the time, they need to solve a laundry list of issues. Unfortunately, presenting an exhaustive list of issues in your life only tends to water down the work and get in the way of meaningful progress.
Instead, you might take the time to reflect on these questions:
What through-lines or patterns can I notice in many of these issues? Start with the
pattern you’ve noticed and provide examples in the session, rather than starting with random examples of specific things going wrong in your life.
If I could only work on one thing, what would it be? Pick one or two things to focus on in therapy. Choose the challenge you most want to avoid.
Misstep: Small talk trap
It’s normal to spend the first 5-10 minutes of a therapy session on small talk/catching up with your therapist. This warm-up helps re-establish rapport and then transition into the real work of the session. Spending too much time on small-talk, however, will eat away valuable time.
Instead, it will help to:
Develop other positive relationships in your life, rather than leaning solely on your
therapist for social connection.
Speak up if you feel the tone of your sessions has shifted too far away from the professional.
Transition into the real work after the first 5-10 minutes by saying, “Ok, today I’d like to focus on...” or by taking out your notes/journal as a signal to your therapist.
Misstep: Being distracted during the session
If you truly want to get the most out of therapy, you must give the hour you spend with your therapist the kind of reverence and focused attention it deserves. This will require you to minimize distractions during the session. There are several ways to minimize distractions.
Instead, you might try:
Putting your phone on Do Not Disturb or Airplane Mode before entering the office
Grounding yourself with meditation and/or breathing exercises while you outside
Getting a good night’s sleep and exercising before your session
Making sure you are fed and hydrated before you come to session
Reminding yourself that therapy itself is an opportunity to strengthen your attention
Which of the above missteps are you most prone to making?
What is your plan for avoiding these missteps?
Adapted from and inspired by How to Get the Most Out of Coaching by Alex Mill and Karen Davis
